Sunday, September 25, 2011

Erin's a Star!

Last week I was calmly sitting in the office of my new case manager, Robert, minding my own business and having a chat, when he said this to me: "Erin's in a commercial."
I said this: "What?! My Erin?!"
"Err... Erin... ah..."
"Erin _ _ _."
"In a commercial? Really?"
"Yes. Wanta see it?"
"Of course."
And he showed it to me.
He was right, it was my lovely ex-case manager in a commercial for some hair product for Dove, the famous soap maker. Who knew that they made other stuff? I certainly didn't.
But they do! They make all kinds of things. They make antiperspirants/deodorants, body washes, beauty bars, lotions/moisturizers, hair care, and facial care products.
Dove is primarily made from synthetic surfactants, soaps derived vegetable oils from palm kernel) and salts of animal fats (tallow). In some countries, but not the United Kingdom, Dove is derived from tallow (like many soaps) and for this reason it is not considered vegan, unlike vegetable oil based soaps. Dove is formulated to be pH neutral, a pH that is usually between 6.5 and 7.5.
How interesting.
But here's the thing. Dove is owned by a foreign company called Unilever (Unilever is the world's leading margarine manufacturer), which is a British-Dutch multinational corporation that owns many of the world's consumer product brands in foods, beverages, cleaning agents and personal care products.
Wikipedia tells us: "Unilever is a dual-listed company consisting of Unilever N.V. in Rotterdam, Netherlands and Unilever PLC in London, United Kingdom. This arrangement is similar to those of Reed Elsevier and Royal Dutch Shell prior to their unified structures. Both Unilever companies have the same directors and effectively operate as a single business. The current non-executive Chairman of Unilever N.V. and PLC is Michael Treschow while Paul Polman is Group Chief Executive.
Unilever's main international competitors include Nestlé and Procter & Gamble. They also face competition in local markets or product ranges from companies such as Grupo Bimbo (Grupo Bimbo?), Beiersdorf, ConAgra, Danone, General Mills, Henkel, Mars, Inc., Pepsico, Reckitt Benckiser and S. C. Johnson & Son.
Unilever owns more than 400 brands as a result of acquisitions, however, the company focuses on what are called the "billion-dollar brands", 13 brands, each of which achieve annual sales in excess of €1 billion. Unilever's top 25 brands account for more than 70% of sales. The brands fall almost entirely into two categories: Food and Beverages, and Home and Personal Care."
They include: Aviance (cosmetics), Axe/Lynx (male grooming products), Ben & Jerry's (that's right. The foreign devils own our damn ice cream!), Blue Band (the first company to commercially produce margarine in 1878), Dove of course, Flora/Becel (more margarine), Heartbrand (more ice cream), Hellmann's (mayonnaise. Erin if you read this... I could use a jar), Knorr (dehydrated soup mixes and condiments), Lipton (uhhh... tea), Lux (soap), Omo/Surf (detergent), Rexona/Sure (deodorant), Wish-Bone (a Y-shaped bone found in birds), Sunsilk (hair care products), and of course TIGI (premium hair care for premium hair).
So Erin's sold out to the Jikky/Dyke-Jumpers. In all fairness she may not have been aware that she had abandoned her American roots as those Sassenach/Kaaskops do a real good job of hiding behind their brand names, which we consumers always tend to think are of good old U.S. of A. stock. I don't know. I haven't discussed this aspect with her. But those Pome/Lowlanders are sneaky bastards.
Alright, enough of this nonsense. I asked Robert for the URL address for Erin's commercial and he said he would Email it to me. Which he did. I saw him do it. When I returned to my box it was there waiting for me. Now I can watch it whenever I want. I showed it to all of my neighbors who were very impressed, although some of them didn't even know Erin. In my opinion Erin made the commercial work displaying just the right amount surprised incredulity and sympathy toward her friends hair dilemma. I've seen that expression directed toward myself many times on bad hair days (Erin has an unnatural fascination with my eyebrows for some reason. I don't know why).
So next will come more commercials, then the inevitable soap opera or two, guest appearances on prime time sit-coms and hour long dramas. Her own show. Movies, leading roles, the Academy Awards, a star on The Walk of Fame and hand prints at Graumans (she assures me that as she slips her hands in the cement she will think of me). It's her destiny, why fight it?
I Emailed Erin and congratulated her. I told her I once made a commercial for non-fat lard, but it didn't work out.
Her commercial is now making it's rounds on the various networks as commercials are want to do.
Oh yes, here it is. Erin's the pretty one.
I invite you dear readers to wander through the site and get yourself some free nourishing oil (Control up to 100% frizz for 24-hour shine with Dove® Nourishing Oil Care Leave-In Smoothing Cream, featuring Weightless Nutri-Oils.**), and enter the contest. Maybe you to can be in a commercial.
For the time being Erin still works for us here at SRHT. I saw her just last Friday at the Dish Depot. But it won't be long until she abandons us altogether for the bright lights of Hollywood.
And quite frankly I wish her all the best if that's what she wants to do. Seriously I think she has a unique, beautiful look, and she's very smart and talented (I know. I directed her once in a play). I know she will do well in whatever she does.
Good luck Erin... or umm... break a leg!

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