Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Back from Charlotte, The DNC

                                                  Prettier than Clint Eastwood

                                                  Prettier than Clint Eastwood

                                                  Okay, Eastwood is prettier

                                                     Governor Jennifer Granholm

                                                     Much prettier than Eastwood

                                                    Secretary of Explaining Stuff

 After it's all over Barack and Joe race for the bathroom.
                                             Joe won

   To be absolutely fair (which is always my goal) Governor Romney did have an explanation as to why he did not mention the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan during his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention a few weeks ago.
   It's all rather straight forward. He had mentioned Afghanistan in a speech to the American Legion a few days before the convention, so that topic had already been covered.
   Well that's reasonable, isn't it? He had mentioned Afghanistan for almost 17 seconds in a 16 minute speech. So for the sake of economy, why mention it again in the most important speech of his life?
   Now, coming back to reality, how could anyone who is not completely brain dead fail to mention an ongoing WAR in their PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION SPEECH?!
   Quite frankly I have no idea.
   And I've given it a lot of thought.
   That was his first big mistake.
   Overall the Republican National Convention caused so much excitement (sarcasm is the last refuge of a weak mind) that it got a bump in the Romney campaign of... 0. In fact in relation to the positive bump for Obama after the Democratic National Convention, the Republican bump could be a negative one, "In terms of electoral votes, he figures they lost a bit, then gained a bit, and ended up about 10 EV short of where they started." -Kevin Drum writing of analysis by Sam Wang of Princeton University for Mother Jones. 
   Speaking of the Democratic National Convention of which I've recently returned after quite an arduous trip, let's take a look.
   Alright, there's a black guy in that first photo above, right off the bat. So what if he's wearing blue ribbons on his head! So he's a gay (and by "gay" I mean happy) black guy... that's two minorities in one guy!
   Indeed, the attendees at the DNC seemed to be a bit more... colorful, than those at the RNC. The daily show sent two crack reporters to the Democratic National Convention and they found a whole bunch of people there of different ethnicities and colors. They found some Hispanic people there. They found a lot of Asians there. They found Accohannock Indians there, some Gaels, some Persian people, some Pamunkies, some Tamang people, some Valencian people, eight White Mountain Apaches. They found Upper Skagit people there, some Sentinelese, a few Serer-Nduts, a smattering of Pangasinans, a whole bunch of Meskheti. They discovered twenty eight Laguna Puebloanians, fifteen Khevsureties, and six and a half Jingpos. Three drunken Irish-Americans were found passed out in the restroom. Illiniwek people were there, Sieks, Orokaivas, four Ramapough Swamp Indians. Šokci people attended, Jewish people, three Swahilis, seven Tajiks, two Potiguarians, five Negidals, and their sisters! Sixty seven Eskimos could be found on the convention floor at any given time.
   And they found that gay black guy!
   All of them American citizens with proper I.D. which have expiration dates (suck on that Pennsylvania!).
   On and on.
   They found the lovely Eva Longoria there. She's Hispanic or something. She even spoke:
   "Just like our President and First Lady, I took out loans to pay for school. I changed oil in a mechanic's shop, I flipped burgers at Wendy's, I taught aerobics, and I worked on campus to pay those loans back. Like a lot of you, I did whatever it took and, four years later, I got my degree... The Eva Longoria who worked at Wendy's flipping burgers, she needed a tax break. But the Eva Longoria who works on movie sets does not."
   Eva and I have a lot in common it seems. I changed my oil once, and I ate at Wendy's exactly five times.
   Eva wasn't there though... damn it!
   And I do yoga, which is sort of like aerobics without all of that tiresome jumping around.
   They let Danish-Americans speak, like our lovely friend Scarlett Johansson. She got mad at at lazy young people:
   "In 2008, less than half of all eligible voters between the ages of 18 and 24 voted. Young America, why are we only speaking with half our voice when so many issues at stake here directly affect us?  You know who I'm voting for. I'm not going to tell you who to vote for. I'm here to ask you to commit to vote...
    When I was a little girl, my mother—a registered Democrat—would take me into the polling booth, and tell me which buttons to press and when to pull the lever. Is that even legal? I remember the excitement I felt in that secret box, and feeling like my mom's vote wasn't just about the candidate, it was about our family—and all the families just like ours.
   This last election, I finally got to punch those buttons for real, for me. I wore my "I voted" pin the whole day. It was my finest accessory. And this year, on November sixth, I'm filled with that same pride, that same enthusiasm, to press the button to reelect President Barack Obama!"
   She made me get a little misty.
   Alright, in all fairness, I admit she's a little partisan.
   But her cuteness makes up for that.
   Former Governor of the great state of Michigan, the lovely Jennifer Granholm, now a Current TV host on "The War Room," explains to the delegates in calm and measured tones how the President's bail out of the auto industry affects workers in more states than Michigan:
   Our lovely First Lady, Michelle Obama, spoke for nearly 30 minutes about herself, her family, her husband, and the President's crappy taste in cars when they were dating.
   Former President William Jefferson Clinton spoke for nearly 50 minutes in what was regarded by most as the best speech of the convention. For me though his entire speech can pretty much be summed up this statement: "In Tampa, the Republican argument against the president’s re- election was actually pretty simple, pretty snappy. It went something like this: 'We left him a total mess. He hasn’t cleaned it up fast enough, so fire him and put us back in.'"
   "The former president’s big speech on Wednesday night at the Democratic National Convention not only beat the same night of Republican National Convention, but also had more viewers than the New York Giants–Dallas Cowboys game. An estimated 25.1 million people watched the DNC between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m. and just 20 million people watched the second half of the football game. The second night of the GOP convention had 21.9 million viewers." -Daily Beast
   The President spoke for nearly 40 minutes on the last night of the convention. He spoke about all of the issues that now face our country, what his administration has done in the past to deal with these issues, and what a second administration of his would do to continue to deal with these problems and how he may deal with any others that may pop up.
   That's what was expected and that's what he did. It wasn't his best speech, or his most memorable. I didn't expect it would be. Too much of a high expectation had been placed on Obama, more than anyone could possibly live up to.
   A lot of people in the media felt the same way I do.
   But just wait for his next inauguration speech.
   It's going to be a doozy!

To be continued

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