Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

The LA Mission

Jennifer Love Hewitt and someone named Kim yesterday

Pilgrim Erin

Happy Thanksgiving to you all dear readers!
Since I'm posting this very early on Thanksgiving morning I have not lived through my Thanksgiving experience yet but that is okay as I know exactly what will happen today because I happen to be omniscient. It's a curse really. Today will be a little bit more boring than a regular Thursday for me. The Hippie Kitchen will be closed simply because it's a holiday. Imagine that. What, people don't need their beans and salad on holidays?! Yes they do. I certainly do, but I will not get any today.
This makes me very sad.
I will endure though.
The Midnight and Fred Jordan Missions will be serving their annual Thanksgiving dinners today, but I will not be going to either. I've never eaten at the Midnight Mission, so it would frighten me, and the Fred Jordan Mission tends to make people wait, wait, wait, way to long, then preach about how Jesus Christ will save us, and stuff like that before a thimbleful of tasty food is presented.
If I want to know about how Jesus Christ will save me I'll read the freaking Bible.
I have read the freaking Bible! Jesus Christ couldn't even save himself, so it's unlikely he'll be able to save anyone else, especially since he's been dead for over 2000 years. Goodness gracious!
I don't think I really need saving anyway. Saving from what? I'm perfectly happy with the way things are going so far.
I do need some new socks though. The ones I'm wearing right now have holes in them. No one can see them so I don't really care. Perhaps I'll get some for Christmas.
I certainly don't think Jesus will give me any socks.
But I'm not here to discuss religion today.
As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by myself, today I will work, writing about violence against women and the Mars Science Laboratory. Two posts that need to get done in one day, so I will be fairly busy and the time will pass quickly.
I will eat some turkey. I have some left over from yesterday, and a nice lady who helped cook the Las Americas annual Thanksgiving dinner yesterday made some turkey stew for today, so I may have some of that as well.
Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking. If I'm really omniscient shouldn't I already know if I'm going to have some turkey stew or not? Well I have this to say about that... I may be omniscient, but I still have free will... I think.
It's all very confusing.
Anyway, today will be boring. Not for me, but for you to read about. Let me relate what happened yesterday (or today as I'm writing this... now I'm confusing myself), which is the actual day I experienced many Thanksgiving festivities.
I began the day a little after midnight. I woke up and got out of my nice cozy bed and went to my refrigerator and took out and ate two mini-Twix bars I keep in there for just such occasions. Then I went back to bed.
My alarm clock woke me about 4 hours later. As you can tell from the time stamp on yesterday's post I was up rather early. I always get up early.
My lovely yoga teacher Beth asked me Tuesday what it is I do when I get up so early.
"I do yoga, Beth." Which is true, I do do yoga, after I post the day's post and check my Email. I do sit ups, and push ups, and 37 count burpies as well, but Beth doesn't need to know about that. She would undoubtedly disapprove.
"There's nothing to do that early in the morning but sleep," she said.
I appreciate her position, and I do find sleep comforting at times, and restful, but I would do without it if I could. I'll sleep enough after I'm dead.
After yoga, after a nice warm shower, and meditation (counting 400 breaths), it is around 5:30AM, and time for me to walk over the 6th Street Bridge. Why? Because it's there (if it wasn't there I wouldn't do it).
That takes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour. I was out a little longer than usual yesterday morning as after I finished with the bridge I walked over to Central Avenue to mail a letter to the Superior Court who want me to perform jury duty again. I've already done it this year (a few months ago in fact), so I told them to muck off.
Okay, I then returned to my box and listened to the lovely Stephanie Miller on the radio while I made myself a healthy egg, Bologna, onion, and cheese bagel sandwich.
I read more of my Email while doing those two things simultaneously... listening to the radio and eating. I guess I was doing three things at once by eating, listening to the radio, and reading.
I'm a multi-tasker.
At 7:30 I walked downstairs to the kitchen area to meet Robert, my new case manager (he's been here a year next month, but I still consider him my new case manager), to help start cooking our Thanksgiving meal that we would be having later in the day. I helped him move different food items into the kitchen, and took one of our two turkeys out of its plastic bag. John, Robert's new boss, was there and he took over the turkey preparation. He just threw some butter and salt on it and stuck it in the oven. No stuffing inside this year. That's what happens when men are left in charge of cooking. No finesse.
I cut up some onions and celery and mixed that in with some stuffing mix with butter and chicken broth. Then a couple of ladies showed up and took over.
There I was mixing up the stuffing and one of the ladies said, "I'm going to make the stuffing."
What was I? Invisible?!
I had places to go so I let her take over.
I let them use my can opener. They didn't have a good one. They never do. They always want my can opener. I let them use it even after I left the building, telling them if they lost it I would literally starve to death because I wouldn't be able to open any of my cans that I have up in my box.
I have lots of cans up there. I collect food. I have enough food in my box to feed a small sized regiment of Afghani militiamen. Women too.
Some of my food is frozen.
I told Robert that I was leaving, but I would be back. I told him I was going over to the LA Mission because, "I told Kirk I'd be there." He laughed.
The Kirk I was referring to was Kirk Douglas, the actor and father to Michael. He was supposed to be hosting the LA Mission's Thanksgiving dinner, but I didn't see him. Perhaps he was ill.
He's getting on in years you know.
Just before 9:00AM I got in line on Winston Street, behind the Mission. They wouldn't start serving until 10:30 or so, and at the time I got there the line stretched to Wall Street, then south to 5th. I stood there with some nice people, men really, although there were families in line nearby, mostly Hispanic ladies with little kids. I had brought a book with me to read ("The Hobbit"), but did not read from it. I was having too much fun watching everyone.
Tea was given out by the Mission people. Then later a couple of guys handed out breakfast sandwiches, consisting of an egg and sausage pattie stuck in a hamburger bun. That was very nice of them, and totally unexpected. Since I had already had a nice breakfast bagel earlier, I did not eat my breakfast sandwich, but rather put it in my jacket pocket to bring home.
I still have it! I will eat it later this morning after I get back from walking over the 6th Street Bridge.
I'm looking forward to it.
I have a tamale too... from last Saturday, when the tamale people gave it to me.
I don't know when I'll eat that. Probably before next Saturday when I expect to get another.
One Mission employee, a large black gentleman, slowly walked down the line and loudly preached to us about how he was saved, or something. I didn't really pay attention. Another man gave out toys that he had purchased across the street at one of the wholesale toy stores they have there. He was mobbed by mothers and kids who wanted toys. He was very nice to do that.
Soon the line moved. Mission employees monitored the line which is a good thing because many people will try to cut in line if given half a chance. Some tried anyway, but were politely turned away.
I hate people who cut into lines, I really do. There's a special place in Hell (that doesn't exist) for them.
When I finally entered the dinning area we passed by where all of the so-called celebrities were filling Thanksgiving dinner plates with tasty Thanksgiving food. I didn't see Kirk. Perhaps he was ill. As a matter of fact I didn't recognize any of them except for one, our lovely friend, Jennifer Love Hewitt. She was splashing mashed potatoes onto plates.
Lovely Jennifer has been mentioned three times on Joyce's Take. I don't know why, she just has. Live with it.
Once she was the main character in this short story, entitled, appropriately enough, "Love."
And then we discussed her television movie, "The Client List," when she played a nice message therapist.
And we celebrated her birthday last February here:
Jennifer and I did not talk even though I am a big fan of hers as I've documented earlier. She was actually sequestered from the masses of homeless by a metal barricade. She and her celebrity friends just dished out food which were taken by other volunteers to the tables where the homeless people ate. As far as I know she had no contact with any homeless people whatsoever.
I sat down at table number 14 and ate my Thanksgiving lunch. Turkey (white meat) mashed potatoes, string beans, a nice dinner roll, some sort of cranberry sauce, and a small piece of pumpkin pie. Very traditional. I finished and left the area, being offered a free blanket on the way out (I refused it as I have too many blankets as it is). I quickly walked back to where Jennifer was still handing out mashed potatoes as I don't get a chance to see her very often... in person. Hardly ever as a matter of fact.
She's very pretty... for a girl, and she's very good at sloping out mashed potatoes onto plates. You could tell she'd done this before. Perhaps she had slopped out the mashed potatoes I had just eaten. I don't know, and will never have any way of knowing. If she did I wish she would have slopped them somewhere else rather than directly onto my turkey.
I had to slide them off.
She left while I was standing there watching her. She slopped her last mashed potatoes, spoke to someone beside her, then took off with her assistant (who looked suspiciously like Chloƫ Sevigny), walking back into the bowels of the Los Angeles Mission.
Perhaps we'll meet again one day.
I left too. Walking down to 6th Street I discovered my neighbor, Darrell, at the bus stop on 6th and San Pedro. We waited for the bus together.
And don't you know, my Arch Enemy, Hardy ( ), walked up and joined us. He was holding a gallon bottle of Clorox Bleach.
Darrell asked him where he'd been.
"Playing dominoes with Erin."
"What," I exclaimed.
"Playing dominoes with Erin. She give me this bleach."
I hadn't seen my lovely ex-case manger for weeks, although I communicate with her regularly through the Email machine. And here she is seeing my Arch Rival apparently on a regular basis. I became very jealous, and wrote this to her via the Email machine when I got back to my box.

Dear Ms _ _ _,

So I waited in line behind the LA Mission for two and a half hours for a nice turkey dinner. I didn't see Kirk Douglas, but I did see Jennifer Love Hewitt. She was dishing up mashed potatoes.

And then on my way back guess who I ran into... my Arch Rival... Hardy. And guess where he had been.

You've been seeing him and playing dominoes with my Arch Rival behind my back! And giving him presents of bleach!

What is it about him that you find so appealing. His devil may care swagger? That must be it, the bastard.

Jennifer Love Hewitt wouldn't treat me like you have.

Now my weekend will be ruined because I am now forced to commit Seppuku, the Japanese form of ritual suicide by disembowelment.

I hope you're satisfied.

Nice knowing you,

Richard Joyce

A bit dramatic I agree, but it got my point across.
She did not respond. She did not respond to the two other Emails I had sent to her that morning either (one of them a nice E Thanksgiving Card). She must have been too busy playing dominoes with Hardy to read my Emails.
Now I'm forced to commit Seppuku for God's sake! You know how hard that is?! And it hurts, and is quite messy.
Anyway, they hadn't began to serve the Las Americas Thanksgiving dinner yet. When they did I did not eat, but brought 4 plates of Thanksgiving food back up to my box where I will eventually consume it greedily. I have turkey, I have stuffing, I have one roll. I have macaroni and cheese that my house manager, Edwin made. I have beans with beef chorizo that my neighbor Denise made. I have something called cranberry relish, that looks kind of weird. I have all kinds of stuff.
Around 3:00 I went to the Central Library to pick up a book they were holding for me. "Legacy of Secrecy, the Long Shadow of the JFK Assassination," by Lamar Waldron and our radio friend, Thom Hartmann. I'm going to read it (or try to, it's very... big) because Thom said Leonardo DiCaprio is going to make a movie from it. Robert De Niro is supposed to be in it as well. We shall see.
And then I started writing this. I'm writing it right now. It's now 6:34PM Wednesday the 23rd in real time and I'm watching the Rachel Maddow Show, with the lovely Melissa Harris-Perry guest hosting. She is a professor of political science at Tulane University, which implies she's pretty smart, which she is. She should have her own show on MSNBC, if you don't mind my saying so.
She's also very pretty... for a girl.
Anyway, what do I have to be thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day. A lot of things really. I'm alive, most of the stuff in the universe is not. I'm self aware. Again, most of the stuff in the universe is not. 99.9999999999999999999999999% and more of the universe does not know it exists. Our sun does not know it exists yet without it we would not be here.
I'm relatively healthy, which is a good thing. My lovely sister, Cheryl is suffering from some major health problems, and I worry about her, and may soon pack up and move out to Bullhead where she lives to be with her.
We shall see.
I'm grateful for Jennifer Love Hewitt. She's very nice I'm sure. Just don't bring any snakes around her because I know she doesn't like them. Big snakes. Maybe she doesn't mind little, cute ones.
I'm grateful for my invisible cat, Herkimer, who is always a comfort.
I'm grateful for my can opener.
I'm grateful for my niece, Keri, and grand nephew, Jaxen. I'm grateful for my friends, and my ex-case manager Erin, even though I have to commit Seppuku now. God damn it!
And I'm grateful for you, dear readers, with whom with I'm never lonely.
Have a great Thanksgiving dear readers, and I'll see you on the other side.

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