Sunday, February 14, 2010

Erin Calls Me A Grump

Well she didn't actually call me a grump, which my Sage dictionary tells me is a "Bad tempered person." No she used the adjective form of the word, "grumpy," which is even worse, meaning "perversely irritable."
Here's what happened. I was sitting in the lounge downstairs, happily minding my own business, awaiting the beginning of Movie Day at two o'clock. I had even brought down with me 2 packages of hot dogs (Jacky Farms), 2 packages of hot dog buns (Busy Baker... enriched!), 2 cans of tasty homestyle chile (Bush's Best... no relationship to the former presidents... I hope), as well as some diced onions and mustard (Morehouse Jalapeno), to share with the other movie goers, when my lovely case manager, Erin, waltzes in. I was particularly excited about watching the movie, "The Men who Stare at Goats," as we have been waiting two weeks so Erin could see it (two weeks previously she had unexpectedly declared that she couldn't attend the Movie Day festivities because of all the paperwork she needed to do that day, which because of all the people coming to her office and crying about their problems she had not had time to do in the morning, and last week she attended Traffic Court (in which she got away with only paying $10 in court costs, plus a hefty $7 parking fee)). She merrily told me she was going to the store to buy some cake and ice cream for this months birthday celebration. We had been neglecting these celebrations recently, I don't know why, until my neighbor Lester requested it be resumed, his birthday conveniently being in February.
Erin asked me if I would like to go with her. Normally I would have happily accompanied her, but I let her know that I had to stay and watch all of the groceries I had brought down.
"Okay," she said, then began to walk away, then turned back and asked, "Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"You seem grumpy," she told me.
"Grumpy? Why do you always say I'm grumpy?"
"Because you are."
"Well now I am."
"Noooooo!!" she cried as she exited the building.
I was immediately traumatized of course, and may never recover fully. Painstakingly copied below is two responses to this post which quite inexplicably arrived before this was actually posted (and Lester didn't even show for his freaking birthday cake):

Dear Rick,

I find your blog, Joyce's Take, very informative, clever, funny, and pertinent to national political issues that effect the lives of average Americans. I read it every day, and look forward to each and every new post. So I'm wondering... what's up with this Erin girl? I don't care how freaking lovely she is, what?! she can't take three minutes out of her oh so busy day to check in and keep current with her so called favorite client's avocation, this wonderful piece of writing that appears free of charge, available to each and every one of us to help us keep track of what's really going on in the world!? Oh I've met plenty of girls like her at Princeton, who are just oh so "POPULARRR" they can't disengage from their own little world for as along as it takes to peel a freaking orange. I bet she's constantly checking her freaking iphone, or whatever that thing is that she can't be removed from without surgery, to get the latest update on who's dating who, or where the next party is going to be at some freaking singles bar, or who the cutest boy is at church, or to give her her freaking 3D glasses to see freaking Avatar, or demanding Spaghetti Os, demanding mind you, WITH FREAKING MEATBALLS... whatever! She's probably texting with her left hand during the movie on Movie Day! And she has the nerve to call YOU grumpy! I commend you Mr. Joyce. You must have the patience of a freaking saint to put up with her nonsense. Who wouldn't be grumpy? If I were you I'd be freaking HOMOCIDAL!!! Didn't she say she even likes reading Joyce's Take, and that she would post comments? Haven't seen one yet. I'm not even going to get into the freaking Garden Club! What's up with this girl? She has the greatest tool to look into the life of one of her charges and she ignores it completely. I think it's time to get a new case manager, Mr. Joyce. Sorry, but this girl seems to be lost and without a rudder. Seems to me she's on a one way ticket to "Crack Whoredom" as a client of Skid Row Housing Trust!

Sincerely, Michelle Obama

P.S. What's Rodney got on her anyway? When you ask for hot dogs on Movie Day, she goes "Oh no, we're not that amazing." When Rodney asks, she's jumping up and down, and goes "Oh yeah! Let's go to the store right now and get some cheese sauce to go with them!"

Dear Mr. Joyce,

In defense of this young lady... Erin, I must point out that she may not be responsible for her own behavior, or lack there of. There seem to be strong indicators present in her case that tend to show a serious addiction to the Apple communication device known as the iphone. Further, she seems to be blissfully unaware of the destructive nature of her addiction, stating, "I'm okay with it." Well most addicts are okay with their addiction... until they hit bottom that is, and actively seek professional help.

This new up-to-date form of psychological dependence has not been studied thoroughly yet. Western scientists call it the “gadget addiction.” Psychologists determined that over-indulgence to technical devices may lead to mental disorder. In addition, some individuals spend hours and days examining a new purchase, trying to sort out all of its functions and buttons. The process makes such people forget about everything else, including food and sex. Gadget mania can be harmful to health too: addicts suffer from dryness in the eyes, headaches and sleeping disorders. Specialists believe that the gadget addiction, like any other pathological addiction, springs from the point, when the aspiration to forget about the real world dominates the mind and becomes the most important idea for an individual. People suffering from severe forms of gadget addiction need to consult psychotherapists. So any displayed abhorrent behavior concerning Erin is only a sad cry for help with a difficult problem she is overwhelmed with, and should be considered as such. I highly recommend she seek help immediately if not sooner or I have to agree with the First Lady, this addiction, like any other, may lead to harder forms escape, the free use of crack not being the least among them.

Dr Phil

P.S. Who's Rodney?

Be that is may, after taking the Snow White personality test
I've been deemed more of a Doc personality, rather than a Grumpy. Sorry Erin. However, after having read some of the personality traits of a Grumpy, some of which are listed below, I can't disagree that I do display some of these qualities, and quite frankly, am proud to do so:

"Grumpy people live in a world of facts and concrete needs. They live in the present, with their eye constantly scanning their personal environment to make sure that everything is running smoothly and systematically. They honor traditions and laws, and have a clear set of standards and beliefs. They expect the same of others, and have no patience or understanding of individuals who do not value these systems. They value competence and efficiency, and like to see quick results for their efforts."


"Grumpies are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are self-confident and aggressive. They are extremely talented at devising systems and plans for action, and at being able to see what steps need to be taken to complete a specific task. They can sometimes be very demanding and critical, because they have such strongly held beliefs, and are likely to express themselves without reserve if they feel someone isn't meeting their standards. But at least their expressions can be taken at face-value, because Grumpy is extremely straight-forward and honest."

So thank you Erin. You are a fine observer and reader of others. I accept the compliment!

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