Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Au Revoir Mme. Bachmann

Paid for by Bachmann for Congress

   As is my custom, I leapt out of bed this morning ready to start my day. It was a little early for me though... 3:00AM, 40 minutes before my alarm clock would announce the morning by playing the “William Tell Overture (if you had your alarm clock hooked up to a 1100 watt amplifier coupled to two JRX225 speakers you’d leap out of bed too!).”
   I wasn’t sleepy and wanted a good start so began my morning routine anyway. It was a little chilly so I threw a couple of logs of Douglas fir I’d split last night in the garden into the fireplace, brewed up a pot of Moreninha Formosa, let Herkimer, my invisible cat out, then checked my Email.
   There wasn’t any emergency’s I needed to deal with in the Emails, just the usual stuff, different entities asking for donations (I laugh at them with disdain), daily news sources, like the New York Times, The Planetary Society, Save the Frogs, AlterNet, AARP, The Cato Institute, The Media Research Center, Socialist International, Amtrak... on and on, you know, the usual stuff.
   I got through all of that and had time to read excerpts from Paddy Chayefsky’s “Gideon,” Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s “The Autumn of the Patriarch,” Bill Faulkner’s “The Sound and the Fury,” “Don Quixote,” “Finnegans Wake,” and “Moby Freaking Dick,” before exercise time.
   Since I began taking yoga lessons with Beth on a weekly basis I’ve incorporated what I’ve learned into a daily workout routine combining common calisthenics with yoga. This morning for instance I continued my attempts to master the Utthita Pada Sirsasana, Astavakrasana, and Pincha Mayurasana positions, intertwining them with your standard Downward Dog, Bridge, Sun Salutations, combined with common Twisting Crunches, Weighted Cable Ball Crunches, Abdominal Barbell Rollouts, Jack Knives, Wiffersniffels, Baby Farts, Butt Kickbacks, Abdominal Dragon Flags, Elbow Instep Lunges, ending with traditional 76 count Burpees.
   That took a good 15 minutes, after which I hit the shower.
   Before letting Herkimer back in I meditated for 400 breaths (actually 410... 10 extra for good luck).
   Next it was time to walk over the 6th Street Bridge.
   I went out there... was perfectly willing, even eager to walk all over that sucker, but for some reason today the powers that be had closed it down. I felt discouraged and saddened.
   I’ll get over it eventually.
   I returned to my box and ate a nice buttered bagel, and fed Herk. I switched on the Bill Press Show. Bill wasn’t on this morning. He was off lollygagging somewhere. Probably had hit the sauce a little too hard over the Memorial Day weekend. Some guy name Masters had taken his place.
   But I did learn something interesting. Minnesota Representative, and former Presidential candidate, Michele “Certifiable” Bachmann had run a video last night announcing her intention not to seek a 5th term in office.
   “Huummm, that’s interesting,” I thought to myself.’
   Ms Bachmann is an old friend of Joyce’s Take. Early on we’ve written about her, here and here, and have often wondered what it was that the folks in the 6th District in Minnesota were drinking, smoking, snorting, or shooting up, to have voted her into office. The same state that brought Al Franken and Amy Klobuchar to the Senate.
   I continued listening to the radio while cutting my massive toenails. The Stephanie Miller Show came on next. Stephie (I like to call her Stephie) was very upset over the news. Very upset, and if I were in her position I would have felt the same way.
   “This is the day that comedy died,” she lamented.
   Stephie was referring to the many gaffes, outright distortions, and frivolous lies that came out of the mouth of Rep. Bachmann which had provided so much easy material for her and others to use, over and over throughout the years.
   All that would soon be gone.
   Take her resignation video for instance. In it she announces that she will not seek a 5th term, claims that this decision had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that she was facing a tough reelection bid in 2014. She had just squeaked by the last one winning by less than 2%. She wasn’t basing her decision on the fact that she was facing ethics probes from her failed presidential bid. No, those had nothing to do with her decision to quit.
   She managed to compare herself to the President, stating that because the President terms out after 8 years, so should she (why?). That she had never intended to be a career politician (Ahhh, forget about that Presidential run Michelle? Did you intend to resign after winning like Palin?). Then she spent about 5 minutes bashing the President and his policies, before saying she’ll continue to fight for all of us Americans, whether we like her or not.
   Thank God someone is!
   Well, might as well take a moment now to review Michele’s (I like to call her Michele) Congressional career, shall we. We might not get another chance.
   She’s done absolutely nothing.
   Boy, that was easier than I thought.
   Since coming to the House, Michele has been the lead sponsor on 40 bills and resolutions, as well as several amendments. She has also co-sponsored hundreds of other bills. Not one of them has become law. Not one.
   She’s never headed a committee, even with the House under Republican rule.
   In terms of policy, she has pushed for a balanced-budget amendment and major cuts in spending and entitlement programs, including Medicare and Social Security. She has called for new oil drilling on federal lands and in Alaska, as well as greater use of nuclear power and clean energy. Michele has advocated large tax cuts, especially for private business, and she has backed legislation requiring congressional approval for all major federal regulations.
   In other words, the typical republican agenda, which of course is completely detrimental for the country.
   And like other republicans she wants to cut federal spending, unless it’s within her own state of Minnesota, where she wanted to restore a bridge for $700 million, an expenditure in infrastructure that I actually agree with.
   And what was that made Michele so popular with Stephie, and other talk show hosts? Here’s a list that’s been bandied about on the Internet Machine today listing just 8 reasons.
   There’s many more.
“1. Bachmann peddled a dangerous anti-vaccine conspiracy. Bachmann pushed the disproved theory that the vaccine for HPV — which prevents cervical cancer — can cause mental retardation. That misinformation has had a wide and lasting impact: Vaccination rates are still remarkably low, and experts blame figureheads like Bachmann who communicated misleading information to the public.
2. Bachmann called being gay ‘personal enslavement.’ On the issue of LGBT rights, Bachmann has a long record of either mocking gay and trans (like when she said she’d mistaken ex-gay therapy for anti-aging therapy, ‘pray away the grey‘). But when she isn’t mocking sexual orientation, she has treated it more like a mental disorder. Famously, Bachmann once said, “It’s a very sad life. It’s part of Satan, I think, to say this is gay. It’s anything but gay. [...] Because if you’re involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it’s bondage. Personal bondage, personal despair, and personal enslavement. And that’s why this is so dangerous.”
3. Bachmann considers climate climate change ‘a hoax.’ While experts warn that global climate change is already set to have a lasting impact on our environment, Bachmann calls climate change “all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.” She also cast doubt on the entire field of climate science. At a town hall in her district, Bachmann informed constituents that climate science is not “real science” but “manufactured science.”
4. Bachmann led an Islamophobic witch hunt. Last year, Bachmann sought to “expose” members of the Muslim Brotherhood within the U.S. government. The totally unfounded witch hunt was essentially Bachmann’s personal indictment of one of then-Sec. of State Hillary Clinton’s aides, Huma Abedin, but it also served to fuel anti-Muslim bigotry. Bachmann’s fellow party members came out against her, with Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) slamming her on the Senate floor for her “unwarranted and unfounded attack.”
5. Bachmann claimed Obamacare would ‘literally’ kill people. In a screed against Obamacare on the House floor, Bachmann warned that the law “literally kills women, kills children, kills senior citizens.” She also questioned, in an interview with a fringe website that peddles conspiracy theories, whether Obamacare would allow the IRS to “deny or delay access to health care” for conservatives.
6. Bachmann told the American people that Iran had plans to nuke the U.S. During a presidential debate on the issue of national security, Bachmann falsely claimed that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had laid out plans to bomb the United States with a nuclear weapon.
7. Bachmann called on the American media to investigate ‘anti-American’ politicians. Bachmann’s first witch hunt of her career was against her own colleagues in Congress. In 2008, Bachmann told MSNBC’s Chris Matthews that she hoped the media would investigate Democratic members of Congress, including Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV). “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress,” she said, “and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America?”
8. Bachmann wanted to ban all porn. As part of her crusade for conservative values, Bachmann has pushed to ban “all forms of pornography.” This is actually contradictory to the Tea Party’s focus on the constitution, given the fact that pornography clearly falls within First Amendment right to freedom of expression.”
   Here’s some more compiled by Janet Allon for AlterNet
1. Unintelligent Design: Bachmann stated her firm support for the teaching of so-called Intelligent Design, and said the scientific community supported it too. She advocated that it be taught in schools so that students could decide which science they want to believe (pseudo or actual).
2. Headscratcher: During a debate about health-care reform in 2009, Bachmann suggested reform would lead to abortion field trips. Huh?
3. Turn of Phrase: She also called Planned Parenthood "The Lenscrafters of Big Abortion." Again, huh? ANyone know what big abortion is?
4. Mixed Metaphors: Bachmann called the tax code a "weapon of mass destruction" and suggested abolishing it.
5. Gangsta Rap: Bachmann called the Obama Administration a 'gangster government,' in the context of healthcare reform, of course.
6. Karate Kid: On a campaign stop, she bragged of her karate skills and said she could "take out Obama."
7. Tea Party Fail: She got her American history mixed up when she told a New Hampshire audience that the Revolutionary War started in their state. (Uh, sorry, that would be in neighboring Massachusetts, also home to the Boston Tea Party.)
8. Paranoid Dreams: She said Obama was turning the country into a nation of slaves, and accused him of trying to brainwash our youth with re-education camps. Also, by the way, did you hear? The census is a conspiracy.
9. Debate Flub: Mentioned both Libya and Africa, pronounced them correctly. Failed to realize that Libya is in Africa.
   And there’s many more.
   And perhaps many more to come, because we still have... Shelly, until the end of next year.
   Like a fine wine, let’s cherish her until the end.

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