Saturday, August 8, 2009

My Case Manager Is Dating A Conservative!

OMG! My lovely, innocent, prone to killing herself (she broke her own neck while swinging high on a swing, normally not considered an instrument of torture, as a small child, and we've already discussed her walking backward into the Grand Canyon), case manager is dating a conservative!
She told me so. His name is Shane, and although I'm sure he must be very nice or Erin wouldn't like him, conservatives are like cameleons, and can hide there true colors at will.
As a matter of fact I've come up with a new, intriguing theory. I've been watching recently the first season episodes of the famous 1960s television program, The Invaders, a Quinn Martin production. As I'm sure you already know, dear readers, in the show, the protagonist, David Vincent (played un-emotively, by Roy Thinnes), while driving home after a business meeting, witnesses an alien spaceship land in the desert. Naturally he becomes inquisitive and it becomes his life mission to find out what the aliens are doing here. He discovers that although polite, the aliens are not looking out for the best interests of the human race. It seems they are coming from a dying planet (in one episode the announcer claims they have come from a different galaxy, which of course is a very long way to go, and makes one wonder why they couldn't find a suitable planet in their own galaxy amongst their billions of stars) and want to move to Earth. They don't want to share the planet, they want the whole thing all to their alien selves. It remains unclear how exactly they intended to remove the existing human population. Instead of infecting us with an alien virus, or changing out atmosphere, or something, they take the time and trouble to change themselves physically to look just like humans, and infiltrate our population, while hatching all sorts of nasty plots in order to subdue our race. They could kill us by sticking us in their regeneration tubes (the aliens have to periodically rejuvenate their bodies or they will revert to their true alien form) to cause heart failure, or slap us on the back of the neck with their alien cerebral hemorrhage causers, making it look all the time that we died of naturally.
I think the shows premise is true, and that the aliens have indeed landed sometime between 1964, after Barry Goldwater ran with Stephie Miller's dad for President, and 1980, when Ronald Reagan won that office. I think that aliens are hellbent on causing as much trouble as possible, have either impersonated our species, or have infected our population with some alien disease that takes over the human body. And I think that those who have been taken over, or infected, are Republicans, or conservatives, or right wing loonies.
This is not the first time I have advanced this particular theory. I invite you to revisit the short story, "Who's Ronald?" where I contend that President George W. Bush had been infected by an X-Files like black oil organism which made him do all of the crazy things he did while in office, like start two unnecessary wars, torturing prisoners, domestic spying, ruining the economy, subverting the constitution, war profiteering, advancing cooperate monopolies, shifting as much tax payer money into those same corporations as possible, diminishing social programs, creating homelessness, turning a national budget surplus into a huge deficient, letting the attack on September eleventh occur after having been forewarned, outing our own covert CIA operatives, trying to privatize social security, ignoring scientific evidence, or manufacturing their own in order to advance their agenda, destroying the environment, deny abortion funding, and supporting abstinence only birth control to the determent of millions of women around the world, to name just a few. Besides that he was an okay president, I guess. About the only good things he did do while in office was to promote Aids research, and treatment, and create a Marine National Monument off of Hawaii.
I mean think about it. Why would anyone of a compassionate nature, or who is sane, create so much havoc and misery upon the very nation he was sworn to protect. Can you think of any logical answer, dear reader, other than alien infestation? I certainly cant. It seems the simplest answer to me.
Now I'm almost positive that if Erin ever becomes President she will run the country in a responsible manner and look out for all of the countries citizens rather than just the wealthy. I'm certainly sure she wouldn't cause as much trouble as President Bush did, because she is a very nice person with great integrity. I know this to be true.
Unless she becomes infected. Now I don't know if Shane is a Republican, or an alien, or anything like that. I'm sure he's very nice (some Republicans are). And I don't even know if my theory is true.
But just in case I think I'll be monitoring my esteemed case managers mannerisms a bit more closely to notice appreciable changes in behavior.
Like a sudden interest in politics, and talk about running for office. OMG!

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